Nightmare Vacation (2017) — Triskaidekafiles

NIGHTMARE VACATION

WRITER: John Polonia

DIRECTORS: John Polonia and Matt Satterly

STARRING: John Polonia as Harry

Matt Satterly as Matt

Maria Russo-Davis as Sarah

QUICK CUT: While on vacation to destress from the troubles in the world, secrets come out amongst own friends.

THE MORGUE: I’m skipping this section, since it’s a very short, unfinished movie, and most characterisation just is not there.

TRISK ANALYSIS: Welcome back, Triskelions! This week, it's time to take a break, chill out for summer, and indulge in a little...Nightmare Vacation! Bonus, the movie is under an hour long, so this is gonna be a breeze.

Now, the movie is that short because, as an intro from Mark Polonia explains, this is a VERY unfinished movie his brother was working on, and when he found the tapes, he could tell enough of the story had been filmed that with the help of some voiceovers, he could complete the project. This puts a huuge asterix on that "2017" release date.

We open up on a masked man in a hoodie adding some bones to his already impressive collection, he fondles a skinned face, and then goes to town with a cleaver on a photo he had pinned to his board o' madness.

From there, we watch a guy on a park's picnic table just kinda relaxing and enjoying nature, as the hooded killer watches them from the grass.

It's a solid bit of stalking, that ends as it inevitably must with the dude getting slashed and stabbed. We never really know who or why, but oh well.

Later, in a coastal vacation town, we get some nice establishing shots, and then in a motel, some heavy breathing as someone I presume is our killer stalks around looking for his latest victim.

They say if you have a job you enjoy doing…

We finally get some actual dialogue as one of our main characters gets up, finds all his bills in the mailbox, and says screw this, let's go on vacation.

This is where the voiceovers start, as Mark speaks over some scenes of his brother dealing with the ennui of adult life, and it's some nice moody stuff.

Oh, and there's some nightmares of John "drowneding" (heehee) that give us a feel that this guy is just not having a good life, and needs this break.

I dreamed I was trapped in a world of my own making!

But then it's back to Hoodie lurking moodily around his darkroom, accompanied by the same eerie sounds they used in one of the Channel 13 shorts, but I digress.

We montage through the drive to the shore, but thanks to some rain, Harry and his friend cut things short and get a motel for the night. Harry's friend disappears, as he is wont to do, and Harry has a feeling of being watched.

They drop in a news report to slip in another death just a little ways away, and make Harry a little more paranoid.

Mark voiceovers that 'little did I know that the horror was about to begin"...what do you call the last 20 minutes??

Elsewhere, Hoodie is still in his darkroom, stroking his bone and making plans, I guess.

The next day, Harry and his friend continue their journey, and come across an overturned car, which Harry wonders if it could be the work of "Frank "The Figure" Hamstead" a recently escape killer that the news mentioned.

Harry is tired from their drive, as they arrive art the vacation house, but he's too afraid he's going to have more nightmares.

Fortunately for us, he dozes off so we can have a bit of excitement, as we get more heavy breath o vision, while Harry envisions being murdered by someone.

If it wasn't undercut by knowing it's a nightmare, it would be a solid scene. It's still fun enough, just kinda lacks any real tension.

The next day, Harry wants to hit the beach, despite a bad night's sleep, and his friend Matt just wants to stay in and watch tv and drink beer. Hmm, curious.

Following some more nightmares, made all the more startling thanks to a restless night due to a barking dog, Harry complains to his friend about the noise. And then heads out to feed the dog.

But when he gets out there, he discovers the dog has been killed. Well, be careful what you wish for, I guess.

Then we get another random murder of randomness. Which is at least a good solid fight, if only it was with someone who had any further screentime.

Which is quickly followed by more time in the Red Room while Hoodie checks himself out in a mirror, before heading out to cause more mayhem.

The killer makes his way to where Harry and Matt are staying, watches Harry take a piss in the woods, and then almost pass out on the lawn.

But the supposed Frank reveals himself, tries to get Harry, and he survives by...running away.

They call the cops, but they don't really buy the whole thing either, so Harry searches the house for clues as to who the killer is (But they keep saying it's Frank?) and why he's after them. This is one of the flaws of this being an unfinished movie. This just kinda happens and doesn't really make sense.

Which all culminates in "I found a diary in a fruit cellar...I was certain it would give us a clue." I GUESS!!

If I jump to the end of the script, maybe it will reveal who the killer is!

And the diary reveals that Harry's friend Matt, who he's been staying with...IS the Phantom Killer!!

...Wait, WHO THE SQUAWK IS THE PHANTOM KILLER?? What about Frank "The Figure" Fuckhead??

Like...this isn't really a revelation, it was all kinda there for anyone with eyes to see it, but how does this work? What with all the Frank stuff? What did the diary reveal? What...Graaaah.

So Harry goes to confront his friend, before Matt can come murder him, which leads to a long fight in their back yard. Which again, is pretty good, for this sort of thing! But it does drag a BIT long, eventually ending in Harry's death. And the killer wanders off to kill again.

TRISK ASSESSMENT

Video: Shot on video, and it looks it. It’s as good as it’ll be, but definitely lacking.

Audio: Filmed with whatever mics they had available, and it shows. Not so hot.

Sound Bite: “I like killing!”

Body Count: Not too bad.

1 - Almost 10 minutes in, and our killer necks his first victim.

2 - He takes out another victim at a motel.

3 - Stabs another random victim

4 - Matt kills Harry

Best Corpse: The random dude who he stabs and slits the throat of is probably the stand out.

Blood Type - C: There’s some decent effects for this level, and some all right blood, but nothing too memorable.

Drink Up! When you hear deep breathing.

Movie Review: Much like Grizzly II, this is tough to really be fair with, since it is an unfinished movie. The plot is definitely there, but it is a VERY lean story. There is ZERO meat on these bones. It’s like looking at a skeleton, and you can see the structure, what the creature could be, but a lot is lost by not being there. I WANT to like this, and I give it a lot of rope due to it being unfinished, but there is so much missing, that it’s hard to really connect with what plot there is, and even that is disjointed. The best thing I have to compare it to is Grizzly II, and while they are both unfinished, and both have decent ideas at their core, Grizzly II at least has a coherent narrative, even if it zooms along with some important storytelling nuance. This movie lacks a lot of that, and sure it’s an amateur production, so I give it even more of a pass, but at the end of the day, it’s a fascinating experiment that just doesn’t have enough there to fill in those missing blanks like Grizzly II manages to do. Two out of five piles of bones.

Entertainment Value: Being under an hour, it’s not too much of a time suck, at least. It’s worth checking out if you’re a Polonia Brothers fan, as it has a lot of what you want there. The acting is not great, but it’s not terrible either. If it was even shorter, because there’s a lot of scenes that just go on and on, thanks to their not being much footage to work with, it would be a tighter, more entertaining movie, at least. Also, the kills are solid enough, and the fighting is pretty well done. And there’s plenty of chuckles to be had from their attempt at filmmaking. And I’m not even saying that as a slight. We all know this isn’t high art, and just because of what it is, you get a few laughs at the awkwardness. Three out of five basement diaries.