Rockabilly Vampire (1996) — Triskaidekafiles

ROCKABILLY VAMPIRE

WRITERS: Lee Bennett Sobel and Paul Gambino

Story by Lee Bennett Sobel

DIRECTOR: Lee Bennett Sobel

STARRING: Margaret Lancaster as Iris M. Daugherty

Paul Stevenson as Eddie Vincent

Stephen Blackheart as Wrecks Vincent

Dennis Davies as Benny Lawalski

Wendy Walker as Emma Cross

Jeremy Klavens as Beatle Boy

Philip Carroll as Mr. Lawalski

David Van Leesten as Juju the Voodoo Guru

QUICK CUT: A girl obsessed with Elvis and the 1950s meets a man just as in tune with the time period as she is, but things get complicated when his brother rolls into town.

THE MORGUE

Iris - A girl terminally stuck in the 50s. She loves the aesthetic, the music, and especially Elvis. She’s a romantic, and a struggling writer, just trying to keep a roof over her head.

Eddie - A man who was bitten and turned into a vampire in the 1950s, and has not updated a single thing about him since. He is conflicted between his need to feed and not wanting to kill. You know the story.

Wrecks - The vampire who bit Eddie, and has hounded him over the last forty years, to bring him into the fold permanently.

If you experience burnin' love for more than four hours, please consult your doctor.

TRISK ANALYSIS: Welcome back, Triskelions! We are closing out March with an odd little movie I came across trying to find something to review. WAY back before I even started Trisk, as I was compiling a list of movies for the site, I came across several of Troma's "Toxie Triple Pack" and such DVD sets, and have always wanted to start dipping into those. It has literally taken me 13 years to finally do it, and I kick it off with, Rockabilly Vampire.

As the credits roll, we see a mid 90s greaser tweaking out in an alley, when some other dude rolls up looking to score some of that shit.

Other dude is willing to go around the corner and get the guy what he wants, but what he really is looking for...is blood!

Yep, he's our titular vampire, and he tries to get the other guy to go away before he gives in to the thirst, but the crackhead is still looking to score, and pulls a knife.

The fight goes about how you'd expect it to, and John Dracvolta has his dinner for the night.

Oh this is gonna be one of those CRYING vampire movies.

From there we find ourselves in a vintage clothing and knicknack shop, and meet Iris, a cute blonde girl obsessed with better days and Elvis. She's day dreaming of what Elvis would look like today, and honey, I got some bad news for you, he was well on his way to being a bloated, drugged out waste.

After discussing Iris's lovelife with her coworker Emma, or more accurately her lack thereof, she catches a glimpse of the greaser Lestat stumbling by the shop window.

But that's when the guy who is trying to win over Iris walks in, Lorenzo. Or as he insists to be called, ugh, "Beatle Boy". And uh...lemme just show you why.

This guy...he speaks with the Liverpudlian accent and everything, but the facade drops REAL quick, and we learn it's just an affectation, and SHUT UP ABOUT MY BRITISH SPELLINGS.

Iris wants nothing to do with Beatle Boy, and has to deal with him sneaking behind her as she leaves work. Dude, this is called stalking. Just because you dress like a Beatle does not mean every woman will fall all over you.

Anyways, as she tries to avoid the creep, she runs right into Elvamp, and he bums a cigarette off of her.

You shouldn’t smoke these things, they’ll kill you.

We learn his name is Eddie, but I will not be calling him that. He hears a noise, gets spooked, and runs off, leaving Iris to continue on her way home.

Her landlord comes knocking, and like she's Peter Parker, he starts demanding his rent. She tries to get him to leave by saying she's taking a bath, but he barges right in. And I love that she continues to insist she's taking a bath when he is *standing right there*.

Benny agrees to let the rent slide a little longer, if Iris agrees to go on a date with him. So they head to the theatre the next night, and he is just as charming as you'd expect.

Elsewhere, Deadvis is chilling in another alley, when a bum starts giving him a hard time. Dude seriously needs to stop hanging out in alleys, this keeps happening.

Anyways, he can't resist the hunger yet again, and eats yet another poor sap in an alley.

Iris's date comes crashing to an end when Deaddie scares Benny off, and she goes home alone. Which is what she wanted in the first place. Unfortunately, inside are another trio of greaser vamps waiting to give her a hard time.

Not surprisingly, they're looking for the pompadoured paramour, and don't want to take I don't know him as an answer.

Wrecks... sigh... can smell the other vamp on her, and they decide to leave her alive, for now, in hopes that she'll lead the Cruisers to him.

I swear, if this guy turns into a wereturkey…

Benny's dad shows up to try and get the rent this time, and he too tries to hit on Iris. My dudes, she's pretty, but she ain't THAT pretty that every man in this movie should want her.

Anyways, after he leaves, he hears a noise he thinks are rats, heads into the basement, and gets killed by...someone? Most likely Wrecks.

Benny shows up the next day, thinking Iris slept with his dad and he never came home, but they quickly find his body, and the police show up to investigate.

...And somehow come to the conclusion it was vampires.

The rat problem in New York is worst than I thought!

While at work, Loren...*sigh* Beatle Boy shows up to try some more to win over the hand of the fair Iris. But she tells him there's someone else, and he does what any self respecting man would do when he's rejected by the woman he lusts after.

He vows to turn to the black arts.

This guy is gonna go online in 20 years and whine about Zack Snyder movies.

Hey Juju, don't make it sad, cast a bad spell, and make her better.

Later, Iris heads to a diner where the Mack Vladdy is also hanging out. Seriously, with how much they keep running into each other, how did it take this long??

We get through some backstory on our two lovebats, and that Wrecks "put the bite" on Eddie while he was on his way to a "find the next Elvis" competition.

Of course, Iris laughs that off as her friend just making up wild stories, ha ha ha!

“I know what you are. Say it. Out loud. Say it!” “I ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog.”

But she does mention running into the Cruisers, and Deaddie says she needs to tell them something like, he got fresh, she slapped him, and told him to go away, so they will leave her alone.

Almost immediately, Wrecks and friends walk in, and geeze, if you had only shown up five seconds sooner, guys.

They make a scene, and the manager comes over to show them the door. They head outside, and when Iris finishes up her meal and pays, she runs right into the manager's dead body. And Eddie kneeling over it.

She hurries him back to her apartment to get him cleaned up, and get some answers, and yeah, it was all Wrecks, they hint that MAYBE he killed the landlord, and then it hits her.

"Wait, you really ARE a vampire??" "Yeah, of the Rockabilly kind!" ...THAT DOESN'T EVEN MEAN ANYTHING!!

Oh, and for some reason, Eddie is cursed to never sleep. It sounds like this is unique to him. For some reason? He's a Daywalker? Does he know Blade? Also, he's avoiding Wrecks, because if he can bite Deaddie one more time, he will be forever under his control, and that's just not cool, daddy-o.

She's reluctant to help him, not wanting to get caught up in Vampire Nonsense on top of everything else in her life. But Eddie vows that if she does, she'll help Iris prove that Elvis is still alive. ...I GUESS.

Beatle Boy shows up to give Iris one last chance to give him one more chance, but by chance he sees Eddie, and challenge him to a fight. He has no chance.

I do have to shout out the line, "I have had a really hard day's night!" Points for that one.

Anyways, quicker than you can say, "daed si lauP .daed si lauP", Lorenzo's bitten body is dragged into the bathtub, so Eddie can make stabby and stake him through the chest, insuring he won't be coming back as the Beatle Bruja.

Following a dating montage, because why not at this point, Iris tells her coworker about how she spent her vampire weekend with her vampire boyfriend. She tells Emma that he's a real vampire, he really drinks blood, but doesn't turn into a bat or sleep in a coffin, and doesn't even sparkle!

But the little murder of Beatle Boy might have a hidden upside, as Juju the Voodoo Guru he was going to see claims to cure vampires, and he might be the solution to at least some of Deaddie's problems.

He seems sketch at first, but he does offer a cure, for a price of 27 grand. Yeah, no, Eddie's not ready, and the couple walk for now.

Looks like someone put on their hero hair today.

Also, Eddie is feeling a little hangry, but is tired of all the killing. And he doesn't want Iris going out to find him someone, and have blood on her hands. Literally!

Iris has a plan though, and they decide to rob a bank...a BLOOD bank, so Eddie can feed on that for the time being.

This seems like an unsustainable plan. It's good for a one time quick fix, but the place doesn't seem capable of keeping this going.

Not to mention, the nurse cuts Iris good when she reaches for the one jar of blood they do have.

So Eddie gets his fix, but the bad news is, during all the commotion, he lost his talisman that was possibly a good luck charm keeping evil spirits, and the Cruisers, away.

After a sex montage which turns out to be a nightmare where Wrecks bites Iris, Eddie is throwing up the blood he just ate. Something is wrong with it, and he's been poisoned.

But Iris has a plan, and lets Count Elvis feed on her to clean out his system, and becoming a vampire herself. As one does.

If the trailer is a-rockabillin', don't come a-kockabillin'.

Iris wakes up later, and heads to work. Yes, that's right, the movie is in it's final minutes, so we have the spare time to head to work to catch up with Emma who just gushes over how lucky Iris is to have been bitten by a real life vampire.

Benny shows up, overhearing this, and he's wearing a necklace of garlic, and armed with a crossbow which he "built to fire wooden stakes". My brother in Christ, most arrows are already wood and will do the trick nicely.

Seeing as how he wants to meet Eddie so bad because he believes Eddie killed his father, Iris is more than happy to oblige and take Benny home as another snack for Eddie.

But instead of feeding on him, they leave him unconscious, and make plans to leave town.

They don't make it very far before the Cruisers show up though, and corner our zeroes on the roof. Somehow. But fortunately, Benny came to, and shoots Wrecks with the crossbow. So hey, someone got to fulfill their character arc.

Benny even manages to take out Wrecks' two minions, before turning his attentions on Eddie and Iris. Iris takes the hit to save Eddie, and in all the confusion, Wrecks stumbles alive long enough to feed on Benny.

Wrecks finally dies, and Eddie gets Iris to safety, somehow having her not die on us, by the stake conveniently 'just missing her heart'. Okay fine.

They steal someone's convertible, and drive off into the sunset to live their lives as immortal rockabilly lovers.

TRISK ASSESSMENT

Video: This was made in ‘96? It’s so washed out and grainy. I’m not sure if that’s the best it ever looked, or they just slapped a transfer together. Or because they shoved three movies on one disc.

Audio: It sounds all right, but definitely filmed with lower quality equipment, as there’s a lot of room tone, and it gets muffled from time to time.

Sound Bite: “You have forced me to turn to the black arts!" "...You're joining the Harlem dance troupe?"

Body Count: A rather respectable amount of dead bodies in this one.

1 - At four minutes in X bites his first victim

2 - Eddie kills the bum

3 - Landlord gets killed by someone

4 - Wrecks kills the diner's owner in the alley

5 - Beatle Boy becomes a snack

6 - Iris dies and becomes a vampire

7 - Rex dies from Benny's crossbow

8 - And then Benny kills one of the two goonpires.

9 - And then the other goonpire.

10 - Wrecks feeds on Benny

Best Corpse: Not a lot gets shown with the deaths this time out, but Wrecks being killed is most satisfying.

Blood Type - D: There’s some red on shirts and hands after some attacks, but the movie is fairly bloodless. And not even any good effects to speak of. They do the bare minimum.

Sex Appeal: Nothing to see here.

Drink Up! every time someone uses outdated dialogue/slang.

Movie Review: This turned out better than I expected. With that title, and the basic idea, it could have gone so badly. But it was actually quite charming, and quaint. It is a very simple movie, and not big budget, but it goes a long way with charming actors, and at least being a bit different. Three out of five vampire bites.

Entertainment Value: It is a bit of a mixed bag. Eddie’s insistence on being 50s culture made manifest is fun, if only they did more to set it against a stronger 90s backdrop. The ‘fish out of water’ idea could’ve carried the movie more. I wish they had done a little more with it, been a bit more wild, really leaned into the 50s aesthetic, or the vampires, or anything. It’s all a bit, ahem, toothless. But! That doesn’t take away from it being quite charming and fun, and generally inoffensive. Three out of five bottles of blood.