Zombie Cop (1991) — Triskaidekafiles

ZOMBIE COP

WRITERS: Story by J.R. Bookwalter

Written by Matthew Jason Walsh

DIRECTOR: Lance Randas

STARRING: Michael Kemper as Gill

Ken Jarosz as Stevens

James R. Black Jr. as Doctor Death

Bill Morrison as Buddy Van De Car

James L. Edwards as Sculley

Christina M. Bookwalter as Little Girl Victim

Bogdan Pecic as Forensic Doctor

QUICK CUT: A cop does his best to stop a criminal from poisoning all the children in town.

THE MORGUE

Gill - A cop who gets killed and brought back as a zombie, so the movie does what it says on the tin, at least. A determined guy, who wants to get his revenge, and just return to the land of the living.

Dr. Death - The main bad guy, a voodoo mastermind, and thinks he’s the hero of the story, seeking revenge on his brother, and the system that kept him down.

Stevens - Gill’s partner in life, and does his best to help him in death.

Buddy - Death’s right hand man, which makes me question the guy’s hiring practices.

TRISK ANALYSIS: Welcome back, Triskelions! This week, we've wandered back to the works of JR Bookwalter, and a his conceptual mashup, Zombie Cop. Let's just haul this one in for questioning.

The movie opens on Dr. Death, whose name does not strike confidence in me about his credentials, preparing something and chanting over it.

He takes a drink of his bloody bowl of ramen, as police detectives Gill and Stevens respond to a call at the same location.

We do learn these cops have history with Dr. Death, and that Gill killed his brother. I'm sure there's no bad blood between them.

They finally arrive at the location, just in time to see Death threatening a woman through a window blind. The Wilhelmina scream cries out, so you know they own the same stock scream collection as every low budget filmmaker.

Stevens chats up Death from the parking lot, while Gill sneaks up the stairs to the apartment. Gill busts down the door, and discovers the "woman" was actually a mannequin, and this was all a ruse.

Wow, he uh...he actually DOES own that stock scream library. I...I did not see that coming.

Death flings the rest of his concoction at Gill's face, hilariously whacking him in the face with the plastic bowl, and spilling the bad blood between them all over his rival’s face. In the ensuing shootout, both Gill and Death are shot, and die on the scene.

After they're buried, Stephens returns to the crime scene and swipes a book from Death's collection that plays a minor plot role later. Meanwhile, at the cemetery, Gill is Crowing his way out of his grave and back to life.

Or rather, unlife, as Death is standing to greet him, once Gill frees himself, to handily explain that Death cursed the detective to walk the Earth as a zombie, to wander and rot, as punishment.

Always love the trope of seeing the director's horror movie poster collection.

Stephens gets the call the grave has been dug up, but before he can leave, Gill is at his door trying to explain everything.

At first, Stephens doesn't know what is going on and says the person standing there is "Messing around with my partner's body". What do you think someone did, dug it up and is wearing it as a skinsuit?? ...Okay, that wouldn't be out of pocket for some of the movies we watch here, but a weird first assumption.

Gill pulls out some embarrassing information only he would know, and Stephens believes his partner is back from the dead.

The undead detective wants to find Death to end his curse and get his life back, but they don't even know where to look. Gill might not know where Death's hideout is, but he knows Death's favourite goon, Buddy, is probably shaking down convenience stores for cash, so goes on the hunt.

Unfortunately, Gill looks like a walking corpse, so Stephens lets him borrow his old rookie beat cop uniform, which is one way to get a secret identity. He also has Gill's old gun which he kept, which isn't weird at all.

Yeeeah, we get a horribly racist Indian stereotype character. It makes Apu look good by comparison. The good news is, the creators involved recognise this, and made a lot of apologies during the behind the scenes stuff, but it's very cringeworthy, nonetheless.

Buddy and his pal Sculley are indeed robbing a convenience store, and this is such a regular occurrence, you would think the guy behind the counter would have recognised him. Or at least put up a sign that says "Do not empty the cash register for this man".

Fortunately, that's when the titular Zombie Cop shows up to stop their mischief. Buddy shoots him down, and goes back to collecting his cash.

Gill does his best attempt at impersonating Michael Myers, and rises behind them, much to their shock.

Sculley wants to take a try at killing the cop, but as he tries to pull the shotgun from Buddy, he gets the next shot in the chest.

Zombie Cop flings Buddy around, and eventually has him at the other end of the shotgun. Buddy gives up the location, and we get an actual pretty tense moment where it looks like Gill might finish the stooge off.

However, his better nature prevails, as much as he may thirst for blood. Err, metaphorically speaking, since this is a zombie movie, that could be literal.

At the warehouse, they do indeed run into Death, and Gill gets him cornered. But Death tells him if he removes the curse, he's dead! If he kills Death, he's dead! If he goes after Death's dog, DEAD!!

Gill can't risk it, so let's the death dealing drug merchant go, and they sulk off to figure something out.

Death knows there's only one person who could have ratted him out, and shows up at Buddy's house, hilariously through his Jamaican accent calling the stooge "Boody" the entire movie.

At Stephens' place, Gill is flipping through Death's Voodoo for Dummies book, and a piece of paper falls out, that's an old PTA calendar for a nearby school. This was just kinda...there, in the book. How did Stephens miss it? Is he that bad of a cop?

They piece together that Death wants to poison the reservoir near the school to kill the kids and make them all his little zombies. Okay, sure, I guess.

Gill finds Death at the school, kidnapping a child to sacrifice for the ritual, and the two zombies chase around for a bit, and eventually take things to the road.

This features a pair of cars, racing along back roads, and I am not the first to say this about this movie, but you have gotta lay down a little respect for them doing this scale of a chase, on this budget, because you KNOW there is like...little safety.

Death tries to use his magic to gain the advantage, and...apparently voodoo can control only specifically car radios now? And stop breaks from working? If you can do that, why not just force the car to break, and get away? Eh, whatever.

Gill eventually shoots Buddy, and the chase continues on foot into the woods, as the two undead men have their final confrontation.

The two exchange blows, and words, as Death calls Gill "evil" and setting aside any "all cops are bastards" stuff, uh...dude, you kill children, for fun. You have a body count of almost 70 people. I don't think you get to judge who is evil.

Death and Gill struggle at the edge of a *ahem* cliff, and Death gets thrown over. And all throughout this movie, he has claimed power over life and death, and that nothing can kill him.

Except...he suddenly dies real easy because he...hit his head on a rock? Got a branch through the chest? Is it because of brain trauma? I could get into that, in a zombie way. But it feels weird to make him unstoppable until he...stops?

And good news! Gill doesn't die, much to, well, everyone's surprise! Gill says Death was full of crap, "I'm here, aren't I?" Oh no wait, there he goes.

But not really, as he is now a zombie cop, protecting his town through unsanctioned violence.

Because I could not stop for Death, he kindly stopped for me.

TRISK ASSESSMENT

Video: Not the best, but it does the job. A solid upscale to a Blu Ray, though

Audio: Sounds fine

Sound Bite: “It’s like he was inde-testicle!”

Boody Count: Shockingly light, but it’s a small indie film with only a few cast members.

1 - 11:30 minutes in, and Gill dies

2 - Dr. Death isn't far behind

3 - Buddy accidentally shoots Sculley

4 - And later, Buddy gets shot in the fight between Zombie Cop and Death

5 - Dr. Death inexplicably dies again

Best Corpse: Does Gill count when he was wandering around, before the bandages? That looked decent.

Blood Type - D+: With few deaths, not a lot of blood, the movie doesn’t get much. And most of those points are for when Gill is freshly undead.

Sex Appeal: None

Drink Up! Every time Death calls Buddy “Boody”.

Movie Review: My biggest complaint is I wanted more. The plot is a solid idea, but we rush to the resolution, and so much of the final act is the car chase. Which is great! But also a big chunk of a short movie. The acting is solid though, Gill’s pretty natural, and Doctor Death is having a BLAST. It’s light, but fun. Three out of five bandages

Entertainment Value: The idea is silly, there’s some fun moments, and fun performances, but like I said, I wanted more. But JR’s movies are always solid enough. Zombie Cop feels like such a rich idea they could do so much more with. Two out of five bowls of chicken liver pate.